Darren Schwartz
Subject: Happiness is a Naked Gun
Bio: What Happens Next Culture Critic and Executive Sales Leader
Transcript:
Larry Bernstein:
Welcome to What Happens Next. My name is Larry Bernstein. What Happens Next is a podcast which covers economics, politics, and culture.
Today’s topic: Happiness is a Naked Gun. Our speaker is Darren Schwartz who is the What Happens Next Culture Critic.
We will review the recently released Naked Gun movie starring Liam Neeson and Pamela Anderson. In addition, Darren and I saw all three of the prior Naked Gun films that starred Leslie Nielsen.
During the podcast, I am going to drop in three short clips from the original Naked Gun to remind you how funny and ridiculous these movies are.
Let’s get started.
There's a new Naked Gun and we want to review the entire Naked Gun oeuvre.
We went to the movie theater to see the new Naked Gun with Liam Neeson, and then we also saw the original Naked Gun, Naked Gun 2.5 and Naked Gun 33 1/3rd The Final Insult. Let's start with the phenomenon known as Naked Gun. Why is it important to our audience? What is its universal significance?
Darren Schwartz:
Naked Gun came out in 1988 on the heels of Airplane and Top Secret by Jerry Zucker, David Zucker, and Jim Abrahams.
Larry Bernstein:
All these films include comedic concepts. One is the misunderstanding of simple words directed at the actor. Remember Airplane?
Darren Schwartz:
Surely, you can't be serious.
I am serious, and stop calling me Shirley.
Larry Bernstein:
It's always that repeated joke and the crazy pranks. This is a police squad that combines the best of Mr. Magoo with Clouseau.
Darren Schwartz:
An Americanized version of the Peter Sellers Pink Panther movies silly and ridiculous.
Larry Bernstein:
Naked Gun the original 1988 film, we haven't seen it in 30 years. How funny was it?
Darren Schwartz:
We were dying with that opening scene in the Middle East.
Larry Bernstein:
There's a round table where the American enemies are sitting together: Gaddafi, Arafat, Gorbachev and Leslie Nielsen karate chops everybody.
What was your favorite part about the scene?
Darren Schwartz:
When he tore off the Ayatollah's wig and he had an iridescent mohawk.
Larry Bernstein:
Mine was giving a noogie to Gorbachev and then he pulled out some cleanser and wiped off his birthmark, and he said, I knew it.
Did you know that Leslie Nielsen is legally deaf?
Darren Schwartz:
I can't imagine that's true.
Larry Bernstein:
It is true. Leslie Nielsen is legally deaf in real life and is having trouble understanding the world around him and is generally confused. I think his own deafness plays in the role nicely.
Darren Schwartz:
I just looked it up. He wore hearing aids his whole career.
Larry Bernstein:
I think he wasn't wearing his hearing aids during some of it hence the confusion.
Darren Schwartz:
That's really funny.
Larry Bernstein:
Let's go to OJ. A lovable character does a nice job in this. Other OJ major roles, Capricorn One, Towering Inferno, and now these three Naked Gun roles.
Darren Schwartz:
Well, the opening scene where he was shot on the boat. He says freeze. Give up your guns. There's 15 bad guys pointing guns at him. And one guy drops the gun. The other guys look at him. What are you an idiot? We got 15 guns. The one guy sheepishly picks his gun back up and then they shoot him. OJ gets 25 bullets, and then he steps into the bear trap, he steps on a mop that hits him in the head. Then my favorite part is when he leans against a freshly painted door.
Larry Bernstein:
With a sign that says wet paint.
Darren Schwartz:
And he goes, oh no. Even though he's got a bear trap on his leg.
Larry Bernstein:
And he's been shot 20 times.
O.J’s Wife:
Who would do such a thing?
George Kennedy:
It's hard to tell.
Leslie Nielsen:
Be a roving gang of thugs, a blackmailer, an angry husband, a gay lover.
George Kennedy:
Frank, get a hold of yourself.
Leslie Nielsen:
Good cop. Needlessly cut down an ambush by some cowardly hoodlums.
George Kennedy:
There's no way for a man to die.
Leslie Nielsen:
Yeah, you're right, Ed. A parachute not opening, that's a way to die. Getting caught in the gears of a combine. Having your nuts spit off by a lap-lander. That's the way I want to go.
Larry Bernstein:
What I thought was confusing was in the movie he plays a police officer with the LAPD, but in his trial in real life, he claimed that the LAPD was a racist organization, planted evidence that runs counter to everything that Norberg ---- OJ Simpson's character would've done. How do you feel about that confluence of events?
Darren Schwartz:
Art just does not imitate life.
Larry Bernstein:
I think it does.
Darren Schwartz:
But not in this case.
Larry Bernstein:
There's a lot of physical comedy in Naked Gun. Leslie Nielsen is in O J's aka Norberg’s hospital room. He's unconscious and chaos ensues. He accidentally lands in the bed, the bed flips closed. The Norberg-OJ character is sandwiched.
Darren Schwartz:
His feet are next to his ears.
Larry Bernstein:
Somehow Leslie Nielsen is on top of him with his ass on his face. Hilarious. Why is ridiculous physical comedy so funny?
Darren Schwartz:
It's just so over the top.
Larry Bernstein:
Did it feel as fresh as it was in 1988?
Darren Schwartz:
It did. We don't get those types of shows anymore. I will never be able to see that scene without hearing the hysterical laughter of you and your mother Sue.
Larry Bernstein:
We invited my mom to come watch this film with us. My mom has a unique high-pitched laugh and I knew Darren would love it.
Darren Schwartz:
Well, it is your laugh also. It's unique plus one.
Larry Bernstein:
It's inherited and my brother's the same.
Darren Schwartz:
Unique plus two.
Larry Bernstein:
My brother’s laugh, not only the same sound but also at the same time.
Here is a clip of my mom laughing watching the new Naked Gun movie in the theater.
Darren Schwartz:
I was amazed that your mom beat you to the punch during the statue phallic scenes.
She was out of control laughing, and I was uncomfortable knowing it was coming.
Larry Bernstein:
Mom has a great laugh and it's infectious. And when we saw Airplane the first time, the people in front of us had to move. It was like a Maxell ad. They were sitting in their seats and then all of a sudden mom started to laugh and they flew forward in their seats. It is one of my greatest joys of life to see movies with my mom when it is a comedy.
It comes back to this communal experience, which is we laugh together, cry together, get scared together. What my mom brings is an outrageous laugh to a comedic situation.
I went to see Jerry Seinfeld live, front row tickets and I went with my brother and Jerry started his first routine and my brother started laughing hysterically and Jerry stopped the show.
Darren Schwartz:
Did he really?
Larry Bernstein:
He turned to my brother and said, what is that? And my brother had already run out of oxygen and he just had his mouth open.
I've heard that comedy doesn't last. What was funny in Silver Streak isn't funny anymore. Laurel and Hardy the pratfalls are ridiculous. They don't show that on television anymore. What is special about Naked Gun that makes it universal and timeless?
Darren Schwartz:
There's a lot of topical humor from the 80s and 90s. But if you're 22 years old, you may not get it, but you understand slapstick and physical humor.
Larry Bernstein:
In the 80s and 90s the two top comedy series on television were Seinfeld and Friends. How are those two shows holding up?
Darren Schwartz:
Young people enjoy Friends. For the record, I never loved Friends.
Larry Bernstein:
I didn't either, didn't watch it, but I love Seinfeld. And when you watch Seinfeld now is it still funny?
Darren Schwartz:
From January through April, I rewatched it. 22 minutes an episode because there's no commercials. Boom.
Larry Bernstein:
You binged Seinfeld, nine seasons?
Darren Schwartz:
Yeah. There were 10 episodes in the first season but after a couple seasons it was 24 episodes.
The first two seasons were hard to watch.
Larry Bernstein:
Why?
Darren Schwartz:
Not great timing, they hadn't settled into who the characters were.
Larry Bernstein:
George was not George?
Darren Schwartz:
Kramer wasn't exactly Kramer. They did a screen test early on, someone said, you need a girl in there.
Larry Bernstein:
I agree.
Darren Schwartz:
And they got Julia Louis-Dreyfus and she was a game changer.
Larry Bernstein:
She's the greatest.
Darren Schwartz:
She is my favorite actor. And I'll do a plug. If anybody hasn't watched Veep, watch it. It's the best show on television. She was the glue that made everything happen in Seinfeld.
Larry Bernstein:
You highlighted the point that Seinfeld is 22 minutes that's a function of commercials. But it was the perfect amount of time for an episode of Seinfeld. In the Naked Gun, Naked Gun 2.5, Naked Gun 33 1/3rd and the new Naked Gun in the theaters, they are all about 85 minutes.
Darren Schwartz:
I think it could have been a little longer.
Larry Bernstein:
I think it could have been shorter.
Darren Schwartz:
Guess how long it was when it ran on TV?
Larry Bernstein:
90 minutes.
Darren Schwartz:
2 Hours. It had to be two hours to fill a slot. Now they had to cut some things.
Larry Bernstein:
They have room for 35 minutes of commercials.
Darren Schwartz:
What do you do?
Larry Bernstein:
Do an interview with Leslie Nielsen.
Darren Schwartz:
They shot more footage.
Larry Bernstein:
No.
Darren Schwartz:
New content on the TV version.
Larry Bernstein:
Unprecedented.
Darren Schwartz:
Now we can add something. One of the things they added, you remember when the guy, he was talking to the informant says, “Hey, give me some cash, well maybe this will remind you.” Give him the 20 bucks. Guy says something like, “I don't know what you're saying, how about this will remind you.” So they added like four or five of those.
Larry Bernstein:
Oh, come on.
85 minutes is a long time for the same gag. In Naked Gun the original, no problem. In Naked Gun 2.5 started strong as good as the original. It did start to drag at the end. Naked Gun 33 1/3rd opening scene is a very funny take off on the Untouchables. It works for a while, but it doesn't hold up for the full 85 minutes.
I felt the same way about the new film as well. Seinfeld gets it right as it's sharp and crisp for all 22 minutes. When Seinfeld did that one-hour final episode it was too long.
Darren Schwartz:
A different vibe. A different rhythm.
Larry Bernstein:
Maybe it was just a bad episode but part of it was it wasn't 22 minutes. It wasn't crisp.
Darren Schwartz:
My other observation about 85 minutes is if you go longer, you just can't have more plot in an idiotic story line like this.
Larry Bernstein:
Having the assassination attempt of the Queen in the original Naked Gun is a little edgy.
Darren Schwartz:
We couldn't do a movie right now and talk about the assassination of the Queen.
Larry Bernstein:
The pope, the president, the queen ----- off limits.
But you can kill a dictator from a third world country, no problem.
You can even kill OJ.
Darren Schwartz:
Back to the joke density, they had so many jokes because the plot was thin. One guy counted the number of jokes in the movie. How many jokes do you think in 85 minutes?
Larry Bernstein:
240.
Darren Schwartz:
I'll give you one more guess.
Larry Bernstein:
245.
Darren Schwartz:
501. It's incredible because they did the TV version, they added 44 more jokes to average 5.7 per minute.
Guess how many jokes in the movie Airplane?
Larry Bernstein:
There were fewer.
Darren Schwartz:
271, about half. It was a 3.1 jokes per minute. Naked gun was 5.7 and most of them were funny.
The movies were stronger in the beginning, the first two-thirds for the original Naked Gun, the first half for Naked Gun 2.5, and the third Naked Gun started so strong but it just tailed off hard. But for each film the opening scenes were outrageous.
Larry Bernstein:
One of the themes in all the Naked Gun movies is boobs. Leslie Nielsen is constantly accidentally bumping into and squeezing breasts. Chaos ensues.
Darren Schwartz:
He was looking for cantaloupe at the grocery store.
Larry Bernstein:
Squeezing the fruit. Whoops. And he has that face, wait, what happened here?
In Naked Gun 2.5, Leslie Nielsen is a newlywed with Priscilla Presley. And she said, I want to have children. And he says, I was ready to adopt. I really liked that 18-year-old Korean girl. I mean, can you say stuff like that?
Darren Schwartz:
No.
Larry Bernstein:
And why not? What is it about 18-year-old Korean girls that's off the table?
Darren Schwartz:
You've got a number of different offended groups. You've got Korean people.
Larry Bernstein:
Who I love.
Darren Schwartz:
The world is very sensitive. Comedy does suffer.
Larry Bernstein:
There's something that's in Top Secret that is in the news. There's a scene where a spy has been shot and he's dying and he hands an envelope to someone, please take this and mail this before midnight. And he says, what is it? Oh, I have to get this in for the Publishers Clearinghouse. Million Dollar Sweepstakes. I don’t know if you saw this Publishers Clearing House filed for bankruptcy.
Darren Schwartz:
There's a guy who's getting paid out over 25 years.
Larry Bernstein:
He's not getting paid. A number of the winners elected not to receive the money upfront but receive it over time.
Darren Schwartz:
You always take it up front.
.
Larry Bernstein:
The winners of the million dollars are in line at the bankruptcy court trying to collect.
Darren Schwartz:
What are they going to get?
Larry Bernstein:
Pennies on the dollar. You have all this joy for winning and then you quit your job, you told your boss to go shove it, and now you're stuck.
Darren Schwartz:
Pay the taxes. Take it up front. You got 600 grand.
Larry Bernstein:
Leslie Nielsen's from Saskatchewan. He's Canadian.
We've seen a lot of Canadian comics. We've got Dan Aykroyd, Mike Myers. Why are there so many Canadian comics? I know there are a lot of Jews in comedy but why Canadians?
Darren Schwartz:
It's connected to hardship. Jews have had hardship for sure.
Larry Bernstein:
And growing up in Saskatchewan's got to be tough.
Darren Schwartz:
They still have cultural ties to England. Canadian comics have roots from Monty Python.
Larry Bernstein:
Leslie Nielsen and Mike Myers have done a comedic scene, both Canadians, in Naked Gun and in Austin Powers that are very similar. Leslie Nielsen's character Frank Drebin has received an award and steps off to go to the bathroom but is unaware that his microphone is still on. That results in a 90 second audio with him in the bathroom relieving himself. How would you compare that with the Austin Powers when he wakes up after being under for a number of years, going to the bathroom for the first time?
Larry Bernstein:
Here is a clip of Leslie Nielsen using the urinal in the original Naked Gun.
“that the Queen has chosen our city visit. Indeed, it is for all the people who will be able to share in the celebration, especially in Thailand, will be…”
Darren Schwartz:
The best part of that gag is it's a long, you hear the splashing for a long time, and then you hear the stoppage, the trickle, an extended stop. And then the powerful blast, any guy would say, that doesn't make any sense.
I wish I could do that.
Larry Bernstein:
I saw Austin Powers in Tokyo at a movie theater with my wife. I thought that was a fantastic scene at the urinal. But with a full house, my wife and I were the only two laughing. I looked around nobody else was even smiling. Earlier I suggested that Naked Gun is universal in its comedic effects. I don't know.
Darren Schwartz:
Well, do you think they enjoyed it internally?
Larry Bernstein:
The Japanese are very expressive people. I think they can't hide it. Watching Naked Gun, my mom completely lost it. That was my reaction also.
Darren Schwartz:
They have a lot of self-control. Isn't that part of who they are?
Larry Bernstein:
It's true. If they get to a red light and they look both ways and there's no cars coming, they will not cross. But I will.
Darren Schwartz:
You're a maverick.
Larry Bernstein:
Do you think that the type of comedy in Naked Gun with the pratfalls, the ridiculous gags? The simplicity of the humor. The fart jokes. The boob jokes, that those are universal?
Darren Schwartz:
Someone falling down and farting is funny no matter where you're from.
Larry Bernstein:
The new Naked Gun movie currently showing in movie theaters. How do you feel about casting Liam Neeson?
Darren Schwartz:
I'm a big Liam Neeson fan. Going way back to Excalibur love him in that and the Christmas movie Love Actually. Then Taken.
Larry Bernstein:
Which I loved. He was a badass and he was going to Karate Chop everybody. He took Steven Segal up a notch.
Darren Schwartz:
His best line began; I have a unique set of skills that I'm going to use them to kill you. One of the scariest lines is when his daughter is under the bed hiding. He said, something's going to happen right now. You're going to be taken. He knew and she freaked out. The bad guy grabbed her, took her out from under the bed.
Larry Bernstein:
Instead of denying that Liam Neeson was that guy from Taken, in the opening scene of the new Naked Gun, he plays a little girl who karate chops 20 people. It was an homage to Taken.
Darren Schwartz
I love that opening scene. People weren't sure what was going to happen, who's the little girl? Because we sat through 25 minutes of commercials you forget why you're there.
But as soon as I saw her, I was like this is amazing. He's a six-foot two guy with this little skirt. He puts his leg up, it was a great scene. He's good as a comedy actor and that catches you off guard. It's a straight role. Liam Neeson pulls it off well. Liam Neeson is multifaceted. He can do comedy and the bad guy.
Larry Bernstein:
After Taken he was typecast.
Darren Schwartz:
He chose it. He's always fighting the bad guys.
He made a great movie called The Grey. The plane crash, and he had a unique set of skills to fight the Wolf.
Larry Bernstein:
You should know that I do not have a unique set of skills.
Darren Schwartz:
I think you do.
Larry Bernstein:
I would be killed by a wolf. No question.
Darren Schwartz:
You're a goner. But if there's an ability to negotiate.
Larry Bernstein:
Or read a book
Darren Schwartz:
Or get carry out
Larry Bernstein:
Let's go to Pamela Anderson next. There is an age-appropriate love interest for Frank. This time it is Pamela Anderson. Do you think she was well cast?
Darren Schwartz:
Pamela Anderson was a really good fit for the role. I don't think she is known for doing comedy. She pulled it off, and she had a great singing scene.
Larry Bernstein:
She was the jazz vocalist doing scat. When you think about her career, it started with Baywatch and maybe her mid-career transition towards comedy with Borat. And now this, how have you seen her development?
Darren Schwartz:
She did a movie during the Baywatch time called Barbed Wire.
Larry Bernstein:
I don't know it.
Darren Schwartz:
It was a dystopian film similar to Mad Max with a woman. She had a tank. She had a tattoo of barbed wire on her arm. It was a total flop. Great to see her comeback and also interesting to see that they sparked a love affair.
Larry Bernstein:
I don't know if this is just to get us interested to go see the film, but there is some chatter that Liam Neeson is dating Pamela Anderson. There was a lot of kissing on set. What do you think is motivating Liam Neeson to date Pamela Anderson?
Darren Schwartz:
I'm going to take a shot and say that he's attracted to her.
Larry Bernstein:
Really?
Darren Schwartz:
Yes. And she's attracted to him. It's consenting adults. They're going to do whatever they want.
A recent headline in the Mirror is Pamela Anderson admits love for Liam Neeson and reveals chemistry between them. They talk about her byline as a former Baywatch Star. She didn't do a lot in the last thirty years.
Larry Bernstein:
What about Borat?
Darren Schwartz:
I don't remember.
Larry Bernstein:
Borat came to America to find Pamela Anderson.
Darren Schwartz:
Oh, right.
Larry Bernstein:
And then there is a brief encounter I think at a mall.
Darren Schwartz:
They're a catch for each other.
Larry Bernstein:
What did you think of the film? Did the plot hold together?
Darren Schwartz:
There's clearly more plot because they didn't have as many gags. It's worth seeing. I thought the opening was funny.
There aren't many movies these days where we can go laugh your ass off. This is a slapstick ridiculous movie. It did not hold up to the original but I still think it's worth seeing.
Larry Bernstein:
Often the first movie is the best, second is almost as good. And by the time you get to the third or fourth, it goes straight to video. And sometimes there's a gap of 25 years and they reintroduce it, which is like the latest Naked Gun. Give me examples of when the second movie is better than the first.
Darren Schwartz:
Godfather Two. The Chronicles of Riddick starring Vin Diesel, which was the second movie after Pitch Black. Terminator Two was better than Terminator One. Widely acknowledged. I liked Aliens a little more than Alien. Now I go back and forth on that. So, what are yours?
Larry Bernstein:
Road Warrior is better than Mad Max.
Darren Schwartz:
No question.
Larry Bernstein:
Wrath of Khan was better than the original Star Trek.
Darren Schwartz:
I guess it still counts because it's a movie.
Larry Bernstein:
Ricardo Montebon was Khan, Ricardo Montebon played Mr. Rourke the boss of Fantasy Island. And he also plays the bad guy in the Original Naked Gun. I found Ricardo Montebon's Corinthian letter argument for Chrysler ridiculous.
Darren Schwartz:
You didn't like the new Naked Gun.
Larry Bernstein:
The original Naked Gun is the best. It needs to be rewatched as a family. You can get hysterical together. I did it. I included Darren in my extended family and we loved it.
Here is a clip of Leslie Nielsen with the LAPD Commissioner in the original Naked Gun.
LAPD Commissioner:
Oh, Drebin. I don't want any more trouble like you had last year on the south side. Understand? That's my policy.
Leslie Nielsen:
Yes. Well, when I see five weirdos dressed in togas stabbing a guy in the middle of the park in full view of 100 people, I shoot the bastards. That's my policy.
LAPD Commissioner:
That was a Shakespeare in the park production of Julius Caesar, you moron. You killed five actors. Good ones.
Leslie Nielsen:
Your honor.
LAPD Commissioner:
Drebin, your presence at the Queen's reception tonight will not be necessary. Is that understood?
Larry Bernstein:
Then we saw Naked Gun 2.5. We also loved it. 33 1/3rd good not great.
Darren Schwartz:
Would you recommend somebody go see it?
Larry Bernstein:
I would tell someone to go watch the original Naked Gun and 2.5. I would say if you love those two films; you can take a chance on Liam Neeson.
Darren Schwartz:
Because they're not going to get another chance to go see something in the theater anytime soon where you're laughing at outrageous pranks.
Larry Bernstein:
I like to end each podcast on a note of optimism. I've never done this before. I'm going to start. I'm optimistic that comedy will be available in the theater and that the success of this film in the movie theater will encourage movie houses to make films that are slapstick, ridiculous, stupid, and hilarious.
Darren Schwartz:
If you're looking to go see a funny movie, this is wonderful. Liam Neeson has a great performance and it's good to see Pamela Anderson. It's worth an hour and a half of your time, plus the three and a half hours of previews.
Larry Bernstein:
Thanks to Darren for joining us.
If you missed the last podcast, the topic was Reducing Crime in NYC.
Our speaker was Peter Moskos who is a Professor at the John Jay College of Criminal Justice. He is the author of a new book entitled Back from the Brink: Inside the NYPD and New York City’s Extraordinary 1990s Crime Drop. This book is an oral history of the NY Police Department from 1970 to 2000 that includes commentary from several NY Police Commissioners as well as officers who were critical to the remarkably successful policing reforms. I loved this book.
I would like to make a plug for next week’s podcast. The topic is Polarized America during the Revolution. Our speaker will be H.W. Brands who is a Professor of History at University of Texas at Austin. He is the author of the book Our First Civil War: Patriots and Loyalists in the American Revolution.
So, if you think that the politics are polarized now, imagine what it was like during the American revolution, when the losers really did have to move to Canada.
You can find our previous episodes and transcripts on our website
whathappensnextin6minutes.com. Please follow us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Thank you for joining us today, goodbye.
Check out our previous episode, Reducing Crime in NYC, here.
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